Betty Boops Words of Wisdom

Betty Boop's Words for today

This page was created to sometimes make us ponder and sometimes bring a smile to our face for just awhile. I hope it made you think or brought a smile your way............

March 16th......

'WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE'

     A point of view ...

     Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 and The View did a story
on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan
conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind
their husbands.

     She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still
walk behind their husbands. >From Miss Walters' vantage point, despite
the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to
walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain
the old custom.

     Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,

     'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once
tried so desperately to change?'

     The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without
hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

    Moral of the story is ... (no matter where you go) ... BEHIND
EVERY MAN,THERE'S A SMART WOMAN!

March 12th

IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU LAUGH,
YOU NEED HELP!

A mother took her five-year-old son with her
To the bank on a busy lunchtime.
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a
Business suit complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly,
"Gee, she's fat!"
The mother bent down and whispered in
The little boys ear to be quiet.
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread
His hands as far as they would go and announced;

"I'll bet her butt is this wide!"

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.
The mother gave him a good telling off,
And told him to be quiet.
After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
Just then, her pager began to emit a

Beep, beep, beep

The little boy yells out,

"Run for your life, she's backing up!!

March 12th.....

Leave it to the Marines.

GOD is Busy

If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!! A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan .

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, wen t up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?' The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me.'

And this is reallllly cute..................

1947

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago,
witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with aliens aboard
crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This
is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S.
Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine
months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.

Hillary Rodham

John F. Kerry

William J. Clinton

Howard Dean

Nancy Pelosi

Dianne Feinstein

Charles E. Schumer

Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.

It did for me.

No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!

Now You Know.

Another cute one.....

THE FARMER'S GUIDE TO PUBLIC POLICY

SOCIALISM: You have two cows and give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows; the government takes both and gives you the milk.

FACISM: You have two cows; the government takes both and sells you the milk.

NAZISM: You have two cows, the government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have two cows, the government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows: you sell one and buy a bull.

March 12th......

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

In plain, perfect English

Ahh, the British have such a wonderful command of the English language.

I do hope so, they invented it you know. I don't know how many pages it would take one of our best Yank writers to say so much, in so few words.

British Editorial on Obama's Victory

Whether you agree with this article or not, you have to agree that it is wonderfully written.

The Daily Mail (UK) wrote this editorial about Obama on 1/6/2009.
(confirmation, Google "London Daily Mail Obama's Victory")....

Obama's Victory--A British view

A victory for the hysterical Oprah Winfrey, the mad racist preacher Jeremiah Wright, the US mainstream media who abandoned any sense of objectivity long ago, Europeans who despise America largely because they depend on her, comics who claim to be dangerous and fearless but would not dare attack genuinely powerful special interest groups.

A victory for Obama-worshippers everywhere. A victory for the cult of the cult. A man who has done little with his life but has written about his achievements as if he had found the cure for cancer in between winning a marathon and building a nuclear reactor with his teeth.

Victory for style over substance, hyperbole over history,
rabble-raising over reality.

A victory for Hollywood , the most dysfunctional community in the world.

Victory for Streisand, Spielberg, Soros, Moore, and Sarandon.

Victory for those who prefer welfare to will and interference to
independence. For those who settle for group think and herd mentalityrather than those who fight for individual initiative and the right to be out of step with meager political fashion.

Victory for a man who is no friend of freedom. He and his people have already stated that media has to be controlled so as to be balanced, without realizing the extraordinary irony within that statement.

Like most liberal zealots, the Obama worshippers constantly speak of Fox and Limbaugh, when the vast bulk of television stations and newspapers are drastically liberal and anti-conservative.

Senior Democrat Chuck Schumer said that just as pornography should be censored, so should talk radio. In other words, one of the few free and open means of popular expression may well be cornered and beaten by bullies who even in triumph cannot tolerate any criticism and opposition..

A victory for those who believe the state is better qualified to raise children than the family, for those who prefer teachers' unions to teaching and for those who are naively convinced that if the West is sufficiently weak towards its enemies, war and terror will dissolve as quickly as the tears on the face of a leftist celebrity.

A victory for social democracy even after most of Europe has come to the painful conclusion that social democracy leads to mediocrity, failure, unemployment, inflation, higher taxes and economic stagnation.

A victory for intrusive lawyers, banal sentimentalists,
social extremists and urban snobs.

Congratulations America ! Your funeral will be sooner than you think!

March 6th....

Subject: URGENT WARNING

BEER WARNING

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up Golf Courses" in the phone book.

March 4th.....

10 things Dogs hate about Humans

'1'
Blaming your farts on me.....
not funny... not funny at all !!!

----------------------------------------------
'2'
Yelling at me for barking.
I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

------------------------------------------------- -
'3'
Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

----------------------------------------------
'4'
Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

----------------------------------------------
'5'
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you're not home.

--------------------------------------------------
'6'
The slight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

--------------------------------------------------
'7'
Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip',
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

----------------------------------------------
'8'
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

----------------------------------------------
'9'
Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven't you noticed the fur?
----------------------------------------------
'10'
How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

--------------------------------------------------
Now lay off me on some of these things.
We both know who's boss here!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you?

EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY.
A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE...
CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!

March 4th...

25 REASONS I LOVE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me abou t the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12.. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25.. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

March 4th......

it's a little long, but WORTH the read !!!

It's too bad our congress and President didn't listen, now we all will pay.

WOW

A great commentary pointing out the CHANGE in American mentality of entitlement now rules.

Subject: GM supplier answers GM President

This is one of the greatest responses to the requests for bailout money I
have seen thus far. As a supplier for the Big 3 this man received a letter
from the President of GM North America requesting support for the bail out
program. His response is classic, and has to make you proud of a local guy
who tells it like it is.

Dear Employees & Suppliers,
Congress and the current Administration will soon determine whether to
provide immediate support to the domestic auto industry to help it through
one of the most difficult economic times in our nation's history. Your
elected officials must hear from all of us now on why this support is
critical to our continuing the progress we began prior to the global
financial crisis......... As an employee or supplier, you have a lot at
stake and continue to be one of our most effective and passionate voices. I
know GM can count on you to have your voice heard. Thank you for your
urgent action and ongoing support.

Troy Clarke President General Motors North America

Response from:
Gregory Knox, Pres.
Knox Machinery Company
Franklin , Ohio

Gentlemen:

In response to your request to contact legislators and ask for a bailout for
the Big Three automakers please consider the following, and please pass my
thoughts on to Troy Clark, President of General Motors North America.

Politicians and Management of the Big 3 are both infected with the same
entitlement mentality that has spread like cancerous germs in UAW halls for
the last countless decades, and whose plague is now sweeping this nation,
awaiting our new "messiah", Pres-elect Obama, to wave his magic wand
and make all our problems go away, while at the same time allowing our once
great nation to keep "living the dream"... Believe me folks, The
dream is over!

This dream where we can ignore the consumer for years while management
myopically focuses on its personal rewards packages at the same time that
our factories have been filled with the worlds most overpaid, arrogant,
ignorant and laziest entitlement minded "laborers" without paying the
price for these atrocities... this dream where you still think the masses
will
line up to buy our products for ever and ever.

Don't even think about telling me I'm wrong. Don't accuse me of
not knowing of what I speak. I have called on Ford, GM, Chrysler, TRW,
Delphi, Kelsey
Hayes, American Axle and countless other automotive OEM's throughout the
Midwest during the past 30 years and what I've seen over
those years in these union shops can only be described as disgusting.

Troy Clarke, President of General Motors North America, states: "There is
widespread sentiment throughout this country, and our government, and
especially via the news media, that the current crisis is completely the
result of bad management which it certainly is not."

You're right Mr. Clarke, it's not JUST management... how about the
electricians who walk around the plants like lords in feudal times, making
people wait on them for countless hours while they drag ass... so they can
come in on the weekend and make double and triple time... for a job they
easily could have done within their normal 40 hour work week.
How about the line workers who threaten newbies with all kinds of scare
tactics... for putting out too many parts on a shift... and for being too
productive. (We certainly must not expose those lazy bums who have been
getting overpaid for decades for their horrific underproduction, must we?!?)

Do you folks really not know about this stuff?!? How about this great
sentiment abridged from Mr. Clarke's sad plea: "over the last few
years... we have closed the quality and efficiency gaps with our
competitors."
What the hell has Detroit been doing for the last 40 years?!? Did we really
JUST
wake up to the gaps in quality and efficiency between us and them? The K
car vs. the Accord? The Pinto vs. the Civic?!? Do I need to go on? What a
joke!

We are living through the inevitable outcome of the actions of the United
States auto industry for decades. It's time to pay for your sins, Detroit.

I attended an economic summit last week where brilliant economist, Alan
Beaulieu, from the Institute of Trend Research, surprised the crowd when he
said he would not have given the banks a penny of "bailout money".
"Yes, he said, this would cause short term problems," but despite
what people like politicians and corporate magnates would have us believe,
the
sun would in fact rise the next day... and the following very important
thing would happen...where there had been greedy and sloppy banks, new
efficient ones would pop up... that is how a free market system works... it
does work... if we would only let it work..."

But for some nondescript reason we are now deciding that the rest of the
world is right and that capitalism doesn't work - that we need the
government to step in and "save us"... Save us my ass, Hell -
we're nationalizing... and unfortunately too many of our once fine nation's
citizens don't even have a clue that this is what is really happening...
But, they sure can tell you the stats on their favorite sports teams...
yeah - THAT'S really important, isn't it...

Does it ever occur to ANYONE that the "competition" has been
producing vehicles, EXTREMELY PROFITABLY, for decades in this country?...
How can
that be??? Let's see... Fuel efficient... Listening to customers...
Investing in the proper tooling and automation for the long haul...

Not being too complacent or arrogant to listen to Dr. W. Edwards Deming
four decades ago when he taught that by adopting appropriate principles of
management, organizations could increase quality and simultaneously reduce
costs. Ever increased productivity through quality and intelligent
planning... Treating vendors like strategic partners, rather than like
"the enemy"... Efficient front and back offices... Non union environment...

Again, I could go on and on, but I really wouldn't be telling anyone
anything they really don't already know down deep in their hearts.

I have six children, so I am not unfamiliar with the concept of wanting
someone to bail you out of a mess that you have gotten yourself into - my
children do this on a weekly, if not daily basis, as I did when I was their
age. I do for them what my parents did for me (one of their greatest gifts,
by the way) - I make them stand on their own two feet and accept the
consequences of their actions and work through it.
Radical concept, huh... Am I there for them in the wings? Of course - but
only until such time as they need to be fully on their own as adults.

I don't want to oversimplify a complex situation, but there certainly are
unmistakable parallels here between the proper role of parenting and
government. Detroit and the United States need to pay for their sins.
Bad news people - it's coming whether we like it or not. The newly elected
Messiah really doesn't have a magic wand big enough to "make it all go
away." I laughed as I heard Obama "reeling it back in" almost
immediately
after the final vote count was tallied..."we really might not do it in a
year...or in four..." Where the Hell was that kind of talk when he was
RUNNING for office.

Stop trying to put off the inevitable folks ... That house in Florida
really isn't worth $750,000... People who jump across a border really
don't deserve free health care benefits... That job driving that forklift
for the
Big 3 really isn't worth $85,000 a year... We really shouldn't allow
Wal-Mart to stock their shelves with products acquired from a country that
unfairly manipulates their currency and has the most atrocious human rights
infractions on the face of the globe...

That couple whose combined income is less than $50,000 really shouldn't be
living in that $485,000 home... Let the market correct itself folks - it
will. Yes it will be painful, but it's gonna' be painful either way,
and the bright side of my proposal is that on the other side of it all, is a
nation that appreciates what it has...and doesn't live beyond its
means...and gets back to basics...and redevelops the patriotic work ethic
that made it the greatest nation in the history of the world...and probably
turns back to God.

Sorry - don't cut my head off, I'm just the messenger sharing with you
the "bad news". I hope you take it to heart.

Gregory J. Knox, President
Knox Machinery, Inc.
Franklin , Ohio 45005

March 3rd.....

"Who will help me plant my wheat?" said the little red hen.

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Not I," said the pig.

"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.
She planted her crop, and the wheat grew very tall and ripened into
golden grain.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck..

"Out of my classification," said the pig.

"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.

"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.

"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.

"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.

"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.

"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves
and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.
They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red
hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."

"Excess profits!" cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)

"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)

"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)

The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)

And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and
around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the farmer (Obama) came. He said to the little red hen, "You must
not be so greedy."

"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.

"Exactly," said Barack the farmer. "That is what makes our free
enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as
much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the
productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who
are lazy and idle."

And, they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen,
who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."

But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again
baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And
all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established. Individual
initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long
as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for..

EPILOGUE

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. Hillary got $8
million for hers. That's $20 million for the memories from two people,
who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they
couldn't remember anything.

IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT????

March 2rd.....

Never judge someone...

'Some people!' snorted a man standing behind me in the
long line at the grocery store.

'You would think the manager would pay attenti on and
open another line, 'said a woman.

I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw
a well dressed, young woman, trying to get the machine
to accept her credit card. No matter how many times
she swiped it, the machine kept rejecting it.

'It's one of them welfare card things. Damn people
need to get a job like everyone else,' said the man
standing behind me.

The young woman turned around to
see who had made the comment.

It was me,' he said, pointing to himself.

The young lady's face began to change expression.
Almost in tears, she dropped the welfare card onto the
counter and quickly walked out of the store. Everyone
in t he checkout line watched as she began running to
her car. Never looking back, she got in and drove way.

After developing cancer in 1977 and having had to use
food stamps; I had learned never to judge anyone,
without knowing the circumstances of their life. This
turned out to be the case today.

Several minutes later a young man walked into the
store. He went up to the cashier and asked if she had
seen the woman. After describing her, the cashier told
him that she had run out of the store, got into her
car, and drove away.

'Why would she do that?' asked the man. Everyone in
the line looked around at the fellow who had made the
statement. 'I made a stupid comment about the
welfare c ard she was using. Something I shouldn't
have said. I'm sorry,' said the man.

'Well, that's bad, real bad, in fact. Her brother was
killed in Afghanistan two years ago.. He had three
young children and she has taken on t h at
responsibility. She's twenty years old, single, and
now has three children to support,' he said in a very
firm voice.

'I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know,' he replied,
shaking both his hands about.

The young man asked, 'Are these paid for?' pointing to
the shopping cart full of groceries.

'It wouldn't take her card' the clerk told him.

'Do you know where she lives?' asked the man who had
made the comment.

'Yes, she goes to our church.'

'Excuse me,' he said as he made his way to the front
of the line. He pulled out his wallet, took out his
credit card and told the cashier, 'Please use my card.
PLEASE!' The clerk took his credit card and began to
ring up the young woman's groceries.

Hold on,' said the gentleman. He walked back to his
shopping cart and began loading his own groceries onto
the belt to be included. 'Come on people. We got three
kids to help raise!' he told everyone in li ne.

Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast
moving belt. A few customers began bagging the food
and placing it into separate carts. 'Go back and get
two big turkeys,' yelled a heavyset woman, as she
looked at the man.

'NO,' yelled the man. Everyone stopped dead in their
tracks. The entire store became
quiet for several seconds. 'Four turkeys,' yelled the
man. Everyone began laughing and went back to work.

When all was said and done, the man paid a total of
$1,646.57 for the groceries. He then walked over to
the side, pulled out his check book, and began
writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near
the front of the store for a writing surface. He
turned around and handed the check to the young man.
'She will need a freezer and a few other things as
well,' he told the man.

The young man looked at the check and said, 'This is
really very generous of you.'

'No, ' s aid the man. 'Her brother was the generous one.'

Everyone in the store had been observing the odd
commotion and began to clap. And I drove home that
day feeling very American.

We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!!

Remember our Troops of Yesterday and Today!!!

A great example of why we should be kind and patient.
Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.

May God's many blessings continue
to be with you - ALWAYS!!!

Feb 24th......

Written by; Senator Tom Coburn MD (R) Oklahoma

> Tuesday, 10 February 2009 (Pre Stimulus Bill Vote)

> [Senator Coburn recently gave this speech on the floor of the

> Senate]

> We are going in exactly the wrong direction. We ought to be

> standing on the principles that made this country great.

> There ought to be a review of every program in the Federal

> Government that is not effective, that is not efficient, that is

> wasteful or fraudulent, and we ought to get rid of it right now. We

> ought to say, Gone, to be able to pay for a real stimulus plan that

> might, in fact, have some impact.

> I would be remiss if I didn't remind everybody that next week

> we are going to hear from the Obama administration wanting another

> $500 billion. Outside of this ["stimulus" bill], they are going to

> want another $500 billion to handle the banking system.

> I want to make sure the American people know what is in this

> Stimulus bill. I think once they know what is in this bill, they are

> going to reject it out of hand. Let me read for my colleagues some of

> the things that are in this bill.

> The biggest earmark in history is in this bill. There is $2

> billion in this bill to build a coal plant with zero emissions. That

> would be great, maybe, if we had the technology, but the greatest

> brains in the world sitting at MIT say we don't have the technology yet to do that.

> Why would we build a $2 billion powerplant we don't have the

> technology for that we know will come back and ask for another $2

> billion and another $2 billion and another $2 billion when we could

> build a demonstration project that might cost $150 million or $200

> million? There is nothing wrong with having coal-fired plants that

> don't produce pollution; I am not against that. Even the Washington

> Post said the technology isn't there. It is a boondoggle. Why would we do that?

> We eliminated tonight a $246 million payback for the large

> movie studios in Hollywood.

> We are going to spend $88 million to study whether we ought

> to buy a new ice breaker for the Coast Guard. You know what. The Coast

> Guard needs a new ice breaker. Why do we need to spend $88 million?

> They have two ice breakers now that they could retrofit and fix and

> come up with equivalent to what they needed to and not spend the $1

> billion they are going to come back and ask for, for another ice

> breaker, so why would we spend $88 million doing that?

> We are going to spend $448 million to build the Department of

> Homeland Security a new building. We have $1.3 trillion worth of empty

> buildings right now, and because it has been blocked in Congress we

> can't sell them, we can't raze them, we can't do anything, but we are

> going to spend money on a new building here in Washington.

> We are going to spend another $248 million for new furniture

> for that building; a quarter of a billion dollars for new furniture.

> What about the furniture the Department of Homeland Security has now?

> These are tough times. Should we be buying new furniture? How about

> using what we have? That is what a family would do. They would use

> what they have. They wouldn't go out and spend $248 million on furniture.

> How about buying $600 million worth of hybrid vehicles? Do

> you know what I would say? Right now times are tough; I would rather

> Americans have new cars than Federal employees have new cars. What is

> wrong with the cars we have? Dumping $600 million worth of used

> vehicles on the used vehicle market right now is one of the worst

> things we could do. Instead, we are going to spend $600 million buying new cars for Federal employees.

> There is $400 million in here to prevent STDs. I have a lot

> of experience on that. I have delivered 4,000 babies. We don't need to

> spend $400 million on STDs. What we need to do is properly educate

> about the infection rates and the effectiveness of methods of

> prevention. That doesn't take a penny more. You can write that on one

> piece of paper and teach every kid in this country, but we don't need

> to spend $400 million on it. It is not a priority.

> How about $150 million for a Smithsonian museum? Tell me how

> that helps get us out of a recession. Tell me how that is a priority.

> Would the average American think that is a priority that we ought to

> be mortgaging our kids' future to spend another $150 million at the Smithsonian?

> How about $1 billion for the 2010 census? So everybody knows,

> the census is so poorly managed that the census in 2010 is going to

> cost twice what it cost 10 years ago, and we wasted $800 million on a

> contract because it was no-bid that didn't perform. Nobody got fired,

> no competitive bidding, and we blew $800 million.

> We have $75 million for smoking cessation activities, which

> probably is a great idea, but we just passed a bill, the SCHIP bill,

> that we need to get 21 million more Americans smoking to be able to

> pay for that bill. That doesn't make sense.

> How about $200 million for public computer centers at

> community colleges? I mean, did we talk with Dell and Hewlett-Packard

> and say, How do we make you all do better? Is there not a market force

> that could make that better? Will we actually buy on a true competitive bid?

> No, because there is nothing that requires competitive

> bidding in anything in this bill. There is nothing that requires it.

> It is one of the things President Obama said he was going to mandate

> at the Federal Government, but there is no competitive bidding in this bill at all.

> We have $10 million to inspect canals in urban areas. Well,

> that will put 10 or 15 people to work. Is that a priority for us right now?

> There is $6 billion to turn Federal buildings into green

> buildings. That is a priority, versus somebody getting a job outside

> of Washington, a job that actually produces something, that actually

> increases wealth?

> How about $500 million for State and local fire stations?

> Where do you find in the Constitution us paying for local fire

> stations within our realm of prerogatives? None of it is competitively bid.

> Next is $1.2 billion for youth activities. Who does that employ?

> What does that mean?

> How about $88 million for renovating the public health

> service building? You know, if we could sell half of the $1.3 trillion

> worth of properties we have, we could take care of every Federal

> building requirement and backlog we have.

> Then there's $412 million for CDC [Centers for disease

> Control] buildings and property. We spent billions on a new center and

> headquarters for CDC. Is that a priority? If we are going to spend

> $412 million on building buildings, let's build one that will produce

> something, one that will give us something.

> How about $850 million for that most ``efficient'' Amtrak

> that hasn't made any money since 1976 and continues to have $2 billion

> or $3 billion a year in subsidies?

> Here is one of my favorites: $75 million to construct a new

> ``security training'' facility for State Department security officers.

> We already have four other facilities already available to train them.

> But they want theirs. By the way, it is going to be in West Virginia.

> I wonder how that got there.

> So we are going to build a new training facility that

> duplicates four others that we already have that could easily do what we need to do.

> But because we have a stimulus package, we are going to add in oink pork.

> How about $200 million in funding for a lease - not buying,

> but a lease - of alternative energy vehicles on military installations?

> We are going to bail out the States on Medicaid. Total all of

> the health programs in this, and we are going to transfer $150 billion

> out of the private sector and we are going to move it to the Federal Government.

> You talk about backdooring national health care.

> Henry Waxman has to be smiling big today. He wants a

> single-payer Government-run health care system. We are going to move

> another $150 billion to the Federal Government from the private sector.

> We are going to eliminate fees on loans from the Small

> Business Administration. You know what that does? That pushes

> productive capital to unproductive projects. It is exactly the wrong thing to do.

> We are going to spend $524 million for information technology

> upgrades that the Appropriations Committee claims will create 388

> jobs. If you do the math on that, that is $1.5 million a job. Don't

> you love the efficiency of Washington thinking?

> We are going to create $79 billion in additional money for

> the States, a ``slush fund,'' to bail out States and provide millions

> of dollars for education costs. How many of you think that will ever go away?

> Once the State education programs get $79 billion over 2

> years, do you think that will ever go away? The cry and hue of taking "our money"

> away, even though it was a stimulus and supposed to be limited, it

> will never go away. So we will continue putting that forward until our

> kids have grandkids of their own.

> There is about $47 billion for a variety of energy programs

> that are primarily focused on renewable energy. I am fine with spending that.

> But we ought to get something for it. There ought to be metrics. There

> are no metrics. It is pie in the sky, saying we will throw some money at it.

> Let me conclude by saying we are at a seminal moment in our

> country. We will either start living within the confines of realism

> and responsibility or we will blow it and we will create the downfall

> of the greatest nation that ever lived.

> This bill is the start of that downfall. To abandon a

> market-oriented society and transfer it to a Soviet-style,

> government-centered, bureaucratic-run and mandated program, that is

> the thing that will put the stake in the heart of freedom in this country.

> I hope the American people know what is in this bill. I am

> doing everything I can to make sure they know. But more important, I

> hope somebody is listening who will treat the ``pneumonia'' we are

> faced with today, which is the housing and mortgage markets. It

> doesn't matter how much money we spend in this bill. It is doomed to

> failure unless we fix that problem first.

> Failing that, we will go down in history as the Congress that

> undermined the future and vitality of this country. Let it not be so.

Feb 23th.......

WHY ARE WE BANKRUPT?

You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much?   Read this:

I was confused until I read this.  I have been hammered with the propaganda that it is the

Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us. I now find that to be RIDICULOUS.



I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until it finally sinks in so that the  reader will get completely sick of reading them. Also included are the URL's for verification of all the following facts:

1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare  to illegal aliens each year by state governments.

Verify at: http://tinyurl.com/zob77

2.   $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food  assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html

5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.

Verify at http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare & social services by the American  taxpayers.

Verify at: http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html



9. $200 Billion dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US .

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html

11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the Southern border.

Verify at: Homeland Security  Report: http://tinyurl.com/t9sht

12. The National  policy Institute, estimated that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and  $230 billion or an average cost of be tween $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period.'

Verify  at: http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances to their countries of origin.

Verify at:  http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm>

14. 'The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One million sex crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United  States .'

Verify at: http: // www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

The total cost is a whopping $ 338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.

Are we THAT stupid?

so far we are............

Feb 11th.......

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared
everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from
each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her
closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the
little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe
box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he
opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling
$ 95,000.00.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said,
my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and
crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times
in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Feb 10th.......

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively
mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew all about it.

If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time," (I just LOVE reading this next line again and again:)

"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

Feb 9th.........

From Bill Cosby Live..

     'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English.

I can't even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be... I'm like....

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.

And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.

These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.

$500 sneakers for what?

And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.

Where were you when he was 2?

Where were you when he was 12?

Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?

And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?

People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something?

Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from??

We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa .....

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.

I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany , Scotland , England , Ireland , or the Netherlands . The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa . So stop, already! ! !

With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ......... and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.

We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read.

We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.

We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.'
Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed.D.

  WELL SAID, BILL
It's NOT about color...
It's about behavior!!!

  PASS THIS ON AROUND THE WORLD!!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Important Stimulus Payment Information

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is
a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?

"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

"A. Only a smidgen.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

"A. Shut up."

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and
Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in
America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend
it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are
the only businesses still in the US.

Feb 6th........

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A great way to lower unemployment!

HOOVER, TRUMAN AND EISENHOWER

Here is something that should be of great interest
for you to pass around.
I didn't know of this until it was pointed out to me.

Back during The Great Depression, President Herbert Hoover
ordered the deportation of ALL illegal aliens
in order to make jobs available to American citizens
that desperately needed work.

Harry Truman deported over two million Illegal's after WWII
to create jobs for returning veterans.

And then again in 1954, President Dwight Eisenhower
deported 13 million Mexican nationals!
The program was called 'Operation Wetback'
so that American WWII and Korean veterans
had a better chance at jobs.
It took 2 Years, but they deported them!

Now, if they could deport the illegal's back then,
they can sure do it today!!
lf you have doubts about the veracity of this information,
enter Operation Wetback into your favorite search engine
and confirm it for yourself.

Reminder.
Don't forget to pay your taxes...
12 to 16 million Illegal Aliens are depending on you.

Feb 5th....

I have been gone and now I'm back, here is a cute one to keep us on track.......

Hollywood Squares:
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? ! ;
</ SPAN>A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with! a pine apple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
!
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant ?

Q.When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car,the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Oct. 16th........

What I Want In A Man!
§ Original List:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4.. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer thing
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

§ What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

§ What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I 'm in the car.
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I 'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

§ What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

§ What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he 's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it' s the weekend

§ What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't 't miss the toilet.

Oct 15th...........

To my friends and family who continue to grow old with me.

Thank goodness!

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

(I keep trying)

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing

OCT 6th.................

IF THIS IS TRUE, WHERE ARE THE BRAINS OF AMERICANS?/?

To All My Friends, this is long, but very important, please take the time to read it.

This election has me very worried. So many things to consider. About a year ago I would have voted for Obama. I have changed my mind three times since then. I watch all the news channels, jumping from one to another. I must say this drives my husband crazy. But, I feel if you view MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News, you might get some middle ground to work with.

About six months ago, I started thinking "where did the money come from for Obama". I have four daughters who went to college, and we were middle class, and money was tight. We (including my girls) worked hard and there were lots of student loans.

I started looking into Obama's life.

Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in California. He is very open about his two years at Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies. "Barry" (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan. During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a "round the world" trip. Stopping to see his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his father's family. My question - Where did he get the money for this trip? Nether I, nor any one of my children, would have had money for a trip like this when they were in college. When he came back he started school at Columbia University in New York. It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barack - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap to say the least. Where did he get money for tuition? Student Loans? Maybe. After Columbia , he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000. a year. Why Chicago? Why not New York? He was already living in New York.

By "chance" he met Antoin "Tony" Rezko, born in Aleppo Syria, and a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year. Rezko, was named "Entrepreneur of the Decade" by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association". About two years later, Obama entered Harvard Law School. Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School? Where did he get the money for Law School? More student loans? After Law school, he went back to Chicago. Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down. But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland. Guess what? They represented "Rezar" which was Rezko's firm. Rezko was one of Obama's first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago. In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with "seed money" for his U.S. Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than asking price). With ALL those Student Loans - Where did he get the money for the property? On the same day Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased. Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko.

Now, we have Obama running for President. Valerie Jarrett, was Michele Obama's boss. She is now Obama's chief advisor and he does not make any major decisions without talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for this? Shiraz, Iran! Do we see a pattern here? Or am I going crazy?

On May 10, 2008 The Times reported, Robert Malley advisor to Obama was "sacked" after the press found out he was having regular contacts with "Hamas", which controls Gaza and is connected with Iran. This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq, he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will "Take care of things".

Oh, and by the way, remember the college roommates that were born in Pakistan? They are in charge of all those "small" Internet campaign contributions for Obama. Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class in this country? Or could it be from the Middle East?

And the final bit of news. On=2 0September 7, 2008, The Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on "This Week" with George Stephanapoulos. Obama on talking about his religion said, "My Muslim faith". When questioned, "he made a mistake". Some mistake!

All of the above information I got on line. If you would like to check it - Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barack Obama; Tony Rezko; Valerie Jarrett: Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times May 10, 2008.

Now the BIG question - If I found out all this information on my own, Why haven't all of our "intelligent" members of the press been reporting this?

A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear - "Beware of the enemy from within"!!!

Oct 2nd.......

JUST A BIKER

I saw you; hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line. But you didn't see me put an extra £10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.

I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk. But you didn't see me playing Santa at the local Mall.

I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant when you saw my bike parked out front. But you didn't see me attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane
relief.

I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by. But you didn't see me riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.

I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children. But you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.

I saw you stare at my long hair. But you didn't see me and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.

I saw you roll your eyes at our Leather jackets and gloves. But you didn't see me and my brothers donate our old ones to those that had none.

I saw you look in fright at my tattoos. But you didn't see me cry as my children where born or have their name written over and in my heart.

I saw you change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere. But you didn't see me going home to be with my family.

I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be. But you didn't see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.

I saw you yelling at your kids in the car. But you didn't see me pat my child's hands knowing she was safe behind me.

I saw you reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road. But you didn't see me squeeze my wife's leg when she told me to take the next turn.

I saw you race down the road in the rain. But you didn't see me get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.

I saw you run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time. But you didn't see me trying to turn right.

I saw you cut me off because you needed to
be in the lane I was in. But you didn't see me leave the road.

I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass. But you didn't see me. I wasn't there.

I saw you go home to your family. But you didn't see me. Because I died that day you cut me off.

I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family. But you didn't see me.

Repost this around in hopes that people will understand the biker community..

If you don't repost this, it sucks to be you. I hope you never lose someone that rides.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE US, RESPECT OUR RIGHTS TO RIDE WHAT WE CHOOSE AND TAKE A FEW EXTRA SECONDS TO BE SURE WE ARE NOT IN 'YOUR' WAY

Subject:Women's bathrooms! YIKES!!!!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of

women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,

you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman

leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait

has

been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the

modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is

handy, but

empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but

there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck,

(Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank

down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the

seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you

discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can

hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the

seat, you would have KNOWN  there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs

shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the

one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck,

that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the

same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way

possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door

hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your

chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the

toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping

your

precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your

footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT . It is

wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.

Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life

form on the uncovered seat b ecause YOU never laid down toilet paper -

not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that

your mother would be ut terly appalled if she knew, because, you're

certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because,

frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW  what kind of diseases you could

get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so

confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose

against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that

covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush

somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the

empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the

wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper

you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuous ly to the

sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic

sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk

past the line of women still waiting.

</ SPAN>

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the

very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from

your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED   it??) You yank the paper

from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly,

'Here,

you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and

left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and

why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms

(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men

what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly

asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the

other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex

under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so

accurately!

Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have

a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...

Hard to Find

Supportive

Comfortable

Always Lifts You Up

Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging

And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share this with a friend!

I Just Did!

Oct 1st.....

PADDLING THEIR POCKETS

> >

> > A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford Motors)

> > decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams

> > practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the

> > race.

> >

> > On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

> >

> > The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to

> > investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team

> > made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend

> > appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people

> > rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people

> > steering and 2 people rowing.

> >

> > Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a

> > consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a

> > second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were

> > steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

> >

> > Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent

> > another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure

> > was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering

> > superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

> >

> > They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2

> > people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was

> > called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners

> > and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new

> > paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for

> > practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the

> > competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into

> > morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

> >

> > The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

> >

> > Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted

> > development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all

> > capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was

> > distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

> >

> > The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable

> > to even finish the race (having no paddles ), so he was laid off for

> > unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next

> > year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

> >

> > Sadly, the End.

> >

> > Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty

> > years moving all its factories out of the US claiming they can't

> > make money paying American wages.

> >

> > TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen

> > plants inside the US. The last quarter's results:

> >

> > TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in

> > losses.

> >

> > Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses.

> >

> > AND... IF THIS WEREN'T SO ACCURATE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY

> >

> A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with
> four young mothers and their small children. 'You all
> have
> obsessions,' he observed.
>
> To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed
> with eating.
> You've even named your daughter Candy.'
>
>
> He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is
> with money.
> Again, it manifests itself in your child's name,
> Penny.'
>
> He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is
> alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name,
> Brandy.'
>
> At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up,
> took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come
> on, Dick,
> we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are
> waiting for us.''

Sept 26th....

Something to make you think about!!!

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or
shoplifting?

____________________________________

Can you cry under water?

____________________________________

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

____________________________________

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for
your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

____________________________________

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

____________________________________

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

____________________________________

What disease did cured ham actually have?

____________________________________

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

____________________________________

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like
every two hours?

____________________________________

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

____________________________________

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

____________________________________

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

____________________________________

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

____________________________________

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

____________________________________

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

____________________________________

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

____________________________________

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

____________________________________

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

____________________________________

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

____________________________________

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy ; all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

____________________________________

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

____________________________________

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

____________________________________

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

____________________________________

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

____________________________________

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

____________________________________

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he&nb sp; sticks his head out the window?

____________________________________

Sept 25th.....

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' I S WHEN...
Going braless
pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action'
means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all-nighter' means not getting up
to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes?

Short and Funny
>
> I dialed a number and got the following recording:
> "I am not available right now, but
> thank you for caring enough to call.
> I am making some changes in my life.
> Please leave a message after the
> beep. If I do not return your call,
> you are one of the changes."
>
> ~~~~~
>
> At pilots training back in the
> Air Corps they taught us,
> "Always try to keep the number
> of landings you make
> equal to the number of take
> offs you make."
>
> ~~~~~
>
> Aspire to inspire before you expire.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> My wife and I had words,
> but I didn't get to use mine.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> Blessed are those who can give without remembering
> and take without forgetting.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> The irony of life is that, by the time
> you're old enough to know your way
> around, you're not going anywhere.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
> of an answer for her first question.
>
> ~~~~~
>
> I was always taught to respect my elders,
> but it keeps getting harder to find one.
> ~~~~~
> Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Betty Moore

541-951-0949

Crazy Horse Industries & Betty Boop |

http://bmoore1094.avonrepresentative.com/

http://stores.ebay.com/Bettys-Home-N-Garden-Treasures

http://www.crazyhorseindustries.net/

Sept 24th....

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.

>> So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

>> How come we choose from just* *two people to run for* *president

>> and over fifty for Miss America ?

>> Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my

>> own pants.

>> I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting

>> clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed

>> up in the first place!

>> When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky

>> dunk.'

>> Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell

>> the difference.

>> Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply

>> press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

>> Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they

>> can in prison?

>> Wouldn't you know it....

>> Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

>> Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten

>> Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

>> Bumper sticker of the year:

>> 'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English,

>> thank a soldier'

>> **And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it

>> gets to the end, the faster it goes. **

Sept 8th......

Ole & Clarence

Ole lived across the river from Clarence who he didn't like at all. All the time they were yelling across the river at each other.

Ole would yell to Clarence, 'If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure, ya betcha by golly!'

This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.

Ole's wife, says, 'Now is your chance, Ole, vhy don't you go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vould.

Ole says, 'OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat!!'

Ole started for the bridge but he sees a sign on the bridge and he stops to read it, then he turns around and comes back home.

Ole's wife asked, 'vhy did you come back?'

Ole said, 'I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence, you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says 'Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in.' You know, he don't look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river!

Sept 6th.....

KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peace, love and happinesss
?

Sept 5th...

Wife tells story

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to

express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the

podium. She said, 'I have a Praise.' Two months ago, my husband, Jim,

had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was crushed. The pain was

excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.

'You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as

 they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced. She continued,

'Jim  was unable to hold  me or the  children and every move caused him

terrible pain.

We prayed as the doctors performed a  delicate operation . They

were able to piece together the crushed  remnants of Jim's scrotum and

wrap wire around it to hold it in  place.'

 Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed  uncomfortably as they

imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.  She continued,

'Now, Jim  is out of the hospital and the doctor's say,  with time,

 his scrotum should recover completely.' All the men sighed  with relief.

    The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one  else had

anything to say.

 A man rose and walked  slowly  to the podium. He said, 'I'm

Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is sternum.'

Sept 4th.....

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario:
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957
- Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007
- School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to
jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957
- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario:
Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other studen ts.
1957
- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to fost er care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Sept 2nd

THE DONKEY
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up
over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a steppingstone.
We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.

Aug 21st......

think this might be the best one of the week!!

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn and screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."

Aug 14th

Proof that Men Have Better Friends...

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

Women over 40......................

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

-------------------------------------

Redneck Love Poem

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID,
'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

Aug 13th

If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam Answers:

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and ketchup.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no Water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get Intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his Adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax And the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the Borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.'

A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word ' benign' mean?'(love this one)

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Aug 10th.........

Ramblings of a Retired Mind
>
> I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that
everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm
wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I
have what they call blue teeth, I think.
> You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people d idn't
like me anyway. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing
husbands on beer cans! I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is
'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce
it. I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it
'Pumping Rust'. I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your
chest is falling into your drawers!
> When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company! Employment application blanks
always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should
write, 'A Good Doctor'!
> Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on
the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the
mail? Or better y et, arrest them while they are taking their pictures! I was
thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get
older. Then, it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals.
> As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
> Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life Because
> Life is a journey to be savored

Aug 4th

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. . ..!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Aug. 1.....

---------------------------------------------------------------

But... In light of the mess we are in here in the U.S.A, I believe I need to add words of wisdom that come my way. These are not jokes because The immigration and upcoming Vote are no joke. The tree huggers and liberals are no joke. More of our people need to read our early history and remember 9-11. Those cannot be forgotten.

July 30th........

These came to me and its no joke, but I feel worth people reading.

The article below is reported to have been written by syndicated columnist, Thomas Sowell. His article pretty well sums up my opinion about who to vote for in this year's election for President. He wrote it in a humorous way this past week in a column titled "Random Thoughts" and published it in newspapers nationally, so maybe you have already seen it. If not, be my guest:

Senator John McCain could never convince me to vote for him. Only Barack Hussien Obama can cause me to vote for McCain. After long and serious thought, I have decided to endorse Senator John McCain for President.

I have always voted for the person and not for anyone because some political party was telling me who I should vote for. We all know the choices by now and, that said, I do believe that the process of selecting a chief executive is deeply flawed. The words "money" and "special interests" come to mind, among many others.

Here's the way I see it:

Barack Obama, you are a fine public speaker. You are also an extremely liberal Senator from the State of Illinois, which has a long and rich history of political corruption of the first magnitude. You are indeed a child of that system.

You have finally insulted my intelligence far beyond my capacity to tolerate. It has nothing at all to do with your skin color. As a matter of fact, it would be so cool to finally have an African-American for President. What a great statement that would be to the entire world that we are indeed the greatest country on earth! But, unfortunately, General Colin Powell is not running, and YOU are NOT the man for this job!

Barack baby, you want me to believe that you have never heard the sermons of your own pastor, the Right Reverend "God Damn America" Jeremiah Wright. It is a matter of record that this has been your church for over 20 years. It is a matter of record that you were married there by this very pastor, and your children were baptized there. The good Reverend saw fit to visit Khadafy in Libya with you and to give a lifetime achievement award to Louis Farrakhan, of all people. We have all now seen excerpts of his sermons all over the airwaves by now. And you have publicly stated that this man IS your "spiritual mentor."

BUT, your pastor is NOT the reason I am NOT voting for you. His words were disturbing enoug h, but it is your own HUGE church congregation, seen jumping, hooting and howling to his words in the background that disturb me the most. And please don't tell me you attended church there and never once heard a "discouraging word." Don't tell me, that in addition to the good reverend, you are now not having anything to do with all those other people seen hooting and howling out in the audience in the background of his fiery tirades. Even Oprah Winfrey got disgusted and walked out on your campaign. I am no Oprah fan, but still she did the right thing.

Now YOU look me in the eye and ask me to believe that you never heard such language in all the years you attended there!?! This is like me telling you that I attended dozens of Klan rallies and never once heard the "N" word - and Bill Clinton "did not inhale."

Yes, Mr. Obama, we all have friends who have said stupid things that embarrassed us, but you have asked me to believe something that is so incredibly stupid that you are telling me that I am just stupid enough to believe you. THAT is the main reason that I will never vote for you.

I am deeply sorry, that in a country teeming with enormously talented African Americans who would make a good President that the political system has chosen YOU. You are a plastic excuse for an American, who will not even salute the Flag during the Pledge of Allegiance. God forbid you ever get near the Oval Office.

Which leaves us with Senator John McCain - John, you are a flawed man. You are a bit old, a bit looney, and you have a notoriously bad temper. This perfectly qualifies you, in my humble opinion, to lead us for the next eight years. I WANT your wrinkled and trembling hand on the nuclear button.

Think about it! We have Kim Jong IL , Chavez and Ahmadenijad all running around like lunatics, threatening America and threatening to plunge the world into nuclear Armageddon. We have Putin and the Chinese blustering and rattling their sabers at us.

I want John McCain in the Oval Office and I want him to be really ticked off at all these other nut jobs around the planet. John, once you are elected, I want you to go into the Oval Office and throw one of your perfect FITS. Jump up and down and throw something through a plate glass window. Rip the drapes down and foam at the mouth a bit. And I want the whole thing on camera so that Ahmadinejad can see it. I want ALL of these "world leaders" to lay awake at night and to break out in a cold sweat every time they think of messing with the United States of America.

I want the nuclear button sitting right next to the alarm clock on your night stand. I want pictures of this to be sent to Iran , Russia , China, Venezuela , Cuba , Libya , Syria , Pakistan , and those other dopes in the sheets, the Saudis.

On the domestic front, poor John did try and reach across the aisle to the opposition in a desperate effort to compromise and to get the Congress to do something. You may not agree with his efforts, but at least he TRIED. For all his efforts, all he got handed to him was his head in a basket. The liberals are ticked at him and the conservatives are ticked at him. Just my kind of guy.

I predict that John will select Senator Joe Lieberman as his running mate. Good choice. I want a Jew whose memory of the Holocaust is still fresh in his mind and who is royally ticked off at all of these towel-headed morons in the Middle East to be the next in line if something should happen to John. Shalom, Vice President Joe. One heartbeat from the Oval Office.

Finally. John McCain knows - on a most personal level - what it is to suffer horrible torture for years and to see others die right in front of you for their love of America. When you ask him about it, he will tell you that what he did was "nothing special."

Even more incredibly, he states that ANY American who truly loves his country would do the same. You and I will have a hard time believing that, but the real point is that John McCain believes that about the â€œaverage American," and that, dear friends and neighbors, is why I will cast my one poor ballot for on election day for John McCain - warts and all."

Then...............................................................

>> Orange County California Newspaper

>> This is a very good letter to the editor. This woman made some good

>> points.

>> For some reason, people have difficulty structuring their arguments

>> when arguing against supporting the currently proposed immigration

>> revisions. This lady made the argument pretty simple. NOT printed in

>> the Orange County Paper...................

>> Newspapers simply won't publish letters to the editor which they

>> either deem politically incorrect (read below) or which does not

>> agree with the philosophy they're pushing on the public. This woman

>> wrote a great letter to the editor that should have been published;

>> but, with your help it will get published via cyberspace!

>> From: 'David LaBonte'

>> My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the OC

>> Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to 'print'

>> it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you

>> feel so inclined.

>> Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the

>> Orange County Register:

>> Dear Editor:

>> So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land

>> is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should

>> tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question

>> aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis

>> Island and other ports of entry.

>> Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people

>> like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new

>> kind of immigrant any longer.

>> Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come

>> to the United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a

>> long line in New York and be documented .

>> Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the

>> ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new

>> country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary

>> rule in their new American households and some even changed their

>> names to blend in with their new home.

>> They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children

>> a new life and did everything in their power to help their children

>> assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free

>> lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were

>> the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for

>> a future of prosperity.

>> Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My

>> father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over

>> from Germany , Italy , France and Japan . None of these 1st

>> generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their

>> parents had come from.

>> They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of

>> Japan . They were defending the United States of America as one

>> people.

>> When we liberated France , no one in those villages were looking

>> for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American.

>> The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that

>> represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have

>> thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to

>> represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their

>> parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly

>> knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot

>> into one red, white and blue bowl.

>> And here we are in 2008 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the

>> same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing

>> with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card

>> and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry,

>> that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the

>> immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve

>> better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising

>> future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for

>> those legally searching for a better life I think they would be

>> appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving

>> foreign country flags.

>> And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty ,

>> it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the

>> immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the

>> United States just yet.

>> (signed) Rosemary LaBonte

>> KEEP THIS LETTER MOVING. FOR THE WRONG THINGS TO PREVAIL THE

>> RIGHTFUL MAJORITY NEEDS TO REMAIN COMPLACENT AND QUIET!!

>> LET THIS NEVER HAPPEN!!

>> I sincerely hope this letter gets read by millions of people all

>> across the nation!!

And the final one for today is more than a little sad...............................

A German's View on Islam

A man, whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II,
owned a number of large industries and estates. When asked how many
German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our
attitude toward fanaticism. 'Very few people were true Nazis,' he
said, 'but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were
too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a
bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen.
Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and
the end of the world had come. My family lost everything. I ended up
in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories.'

We are told again and again by 'experts' and 'talking heads' that
Islam is the religion of peace, and that the vast majority of Muslims
just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be
true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to
make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the spectra of
fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam.

The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history. It
is the fanatics who march. It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50
shooting wars worldwide. It is the fanatics who systematically
slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are
gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave. It is
the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honor- kill. It is the
fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who
zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and
homosexuals. It is the fanatics who teach their young to kill and to
become suicide bombers.

The hard quantifiable fact is that the peaceful majority, the 'silent
majority,' is cowed and extraneous.

Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in
peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of
about
20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant.

China's huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists
managed to kill a staggering 70 million people.

The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a
warmongering sadist. Yet, Japan murdered and slaughtered its way
across South East Asia in an orgy of killing that included the
systematic murder of 12 million Chinese civilians; most killed by
sword, shovel, and bayonet.

And, who can forget Rwanda, which collapsed into butchery. Could it
not be said that the majority of Rwandans were 'peace loving'?

History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our
powers of reason we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of
points: Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their
silence. Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don't
speak up, because like my friend from Germany, they will awaken one
day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world
will have begun.

Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs,
Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many
others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until
it was too late.

As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only
group that counts; the fanatics who threaten our way of life.

July 29th.......

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?'
'And the best of the day to yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.
Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?'
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with A smirk, 'Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!'
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment...........................................
Then, Father O'Malley replied: 'Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'

July 24th

Words from Chuck Norris

> I think it's time to let Congress feel our election fury this November. As reflected in the latest Rasmussen Reports, "Just 9 percent (of Americans) say Congress is doing a good or excellent job." It is the first single-digit approval rating for Congress in Rasmussen's history, and it makes Bush's 30 percent approval rating seem like a stat to boast. The study went on to explain: "Just 12 percent of voters think Congress has passed any legislation to improve life in this country over the past six months. That number has ranged from 11 percent to 13 percent throughout 2008."

> Even The Associated Press reported last week, in the story "Congress mostly going through the motions for now," that "some fights of the 110th Congress have lost their oomph in the waning months before the November elections, with both parties content to run out the clock on messy matters."

> If members of Congress are not relevant or improving Americans' lives, why do we elect and re-elect them into office?!

> If you ever have heard the saying "too many cooks in the kitchen," then you know how I feel about Congress. We have more representatives than we need and even many more than the Constitution requires. What many might not realize is that there is nothing ultimately sacred about the present number of people we have in the House of Representatives. Actually, the proper number of representatives from each state has been debated since our Founders' time. The Constitution endeavors to assure fairness and equity by requiring each state to have at least one representative, two senators and representation in the Electoral College. (At the other extreme, it states, "The number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand.") So why not go with the fewest number allowed? It seems to me that in our day, in both House and Senate, fewer representatives by area would be more reasonable and effective than more representatives by population.

> The current numbers in the House are stacked in discriminatory ways. For example, California has a large liberal voice with its 53 representatives. How fair is that for smaller, more conservative states that have between one and five representatives in the House? I believe just as we have one governor per state, we should consider reducing Congress to one representative and two senators per state (the minimum the Constitution requires). If one representative works for Alaska, Delaware, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont and Wyoming, why can't it work for the rest of the states? Here's a movie we all can star in: "Honey, I Shrunk the Congress!"

> I agree with the rationale of James Madison, a member of the Continental Congress and our fourth president, who advocated keeping the number of representatives within limits:

> "Nothing can be more fallacious, than to found our political calculations on arithmetical principles. Sixty or seventy men, may be more properly trusted with a given degree of power, than six or seven. But it does not follow, that six or seven hundred would be proportionally a better depositary. And if we carry on the supposition to six or seven thousand, the whole reasoning ought to be reversed."

> If we follow Madison's advice and have fewer representatives, then they couldn't put the blame for their incompetence upon other members of Congress. There would be less gridlock. They probably would get more done. Plus financially speaking, reducing Congress would save us at least $200 million, if you consider all their staff, overhead, travel, pension plans and other perks. And if we didn't like how the few represented us, we would have an easier time correcting their voices or disposing of them. Just a thought.

> Bottom line: It is "we the People" who have power over the government, not them over us. They are called to protect our pursuit of life, liberty and happiness, not vice versa. And if they don't, the Declaration of Independence states, in no uncertain terms, that we are "to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for (our) future Security." It's time to replace most members of Congress with "new Guards" who do the following:

> -- Uphold the Constitution and Bill of Rights.

> -- Protect Americans' inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

> -- Promote less government.

> -- Fight for fewer taxes.

> -- Demand balanced budgets.

> -- Secure our borders.

> -- Reduce our national deficit, debts and dependence upon other nations.

> Disappointment with modern-day government and the preservation of our Founders' America is exactly why I've just completed my book "Black Belt Patriotism," which you can pre-order now on Amazon.com. It will be released in September through Regnery Publishing. It is my critique of what is destroying our country and how we can rebuild it and restore the American dream. I wrote the book because, as that famous "Network" line goes, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

July 23rd.......

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink
water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

July 22nd.......

The Blind Bunny

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake.

'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming.

'By the way, what kind of animal are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said,'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?'

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold, you're slippery, and you haven't got any balls...You must be a POLITICIAN.

July 10th.......

In keeping with the theme of the Native American Indian Jewelry we sell, I think this story serves us well.......

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said "My son the battle is between two wolves, inside us all".

One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lust, superiority and ego........

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, compassion, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, faith and LOVE.

The Grandson thought about it for a moment, and then asked his Grandfather "Which Wolf Wins?"

The old Cherokee simple replied, "The one you feed."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

June 11th........

May 17th my husband passed away. I have been off for a month and so my humor has been lacking. I know that humor makes the world go around. I understand the days seem brighter and the night's much more trouble free. He was my life, my soulmate and so much more.

Del would never want me to stay down or quit what I love, so with him in mind I will continue with my blogs and sites in hope he knows I am doing so in his name. I know I will have many times I just won't but I will continue as often as possible.

So for this day my wisdom will be;

"Pride is the chief rise in the decline of husbands and wifes." (Neil Diamond)

Remember why you fell in love, cherish that memory and continue to see your partner in that golden glow.

Remember the rainbows on the wall, in the sky and in their eye's. Its ok to be wrong, its ok to forgive. Most of all its ok to love. None of us are perfect and the reason we love them is why we spend our lives with them. Life is short. Enjoy it while you have it. Never go to bed mad or leave them for the day with anger in your heart.

It isn't so important what others think of you as what you feel inside yourself.

Don't take your friends and loved ones for granted. There's never enough time to tell them you love them.

You'll always be in my heart and soul Del.

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May 13th

The best preparation for tomorrow is to do todays work superbly well.

Most of life's problems are like cloverleaf exchanges on highways. It may not seem like it at first, but there is a way out.

Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you.

Love is a great beautifier.

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no play.

Success or failure in business is caused more by mental attitude than by mental capacities.

There is no such thing as the perfect solution. Every solution, no matter how good, creates new problems.

Maybe your deams aren't coming true. Be thankful that your nightmares aren't either.

"In conclusion:" the phrase that wakes up the audience.

Nobody has ever bet enough on the winning horse.

America is a land full of people who don't know where they are going, and are determined to get there in record time.

Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.

(Langston Hughes)

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May 8th..

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop peddling.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have.

Any faucet can turn the water on, but after a few years only a good faucet will turn it off. The same thing applies to human tongues.

Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. (Dolly Pardon.)

The difference between a successful career and a mediocre one sometimes consists of leaving about 4 or 5 things a day unsaid.

Nothing is interesting if your not interested.

The best executives are the ones who have the sense to pick good people to do what they want done, and the self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Money doesn't make you happy, but it quiets the nerves.

The most unhappy people are those who fear change.

Modern political theory seems to hold that the way to keep the economy in the pink is to run the government in the red.

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. (Abraham Lincoln)

Lack of something you feel important about is almost the greatest tragedy anyone may have.

ITS STILL A LAW:

Connecticut law states that pickles must remain unbroken and must bounce when dropped from 1-foot above a solid oak table.

Now that was important!.

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May 6th

In general, there are two kinds of people who make mistakes; those who won't admit them, and those who call them experience.

One nice thing about silence is that it can't be repeated.

Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.

Team spirit is what gives so many companies an edge over their competitors.

Good supervision is the art of getting average people to do superior work.

One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course.

We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled, but as candles to be lit.

Think of ease, but work on.

Living up to ideals is like doing construction work with your best suit on.

America can no more survive and grow without big business than it can survive and grow without small business. (Ben Franklin)

Some people will believe anything, provided it's incredible.

Hope you enjoyed these. Have a nice day and shop at

crazyhorseindustries.net for all your horse jewelry, biker belt buckles and bolo ties.

May 2nd

There is nothing as strong as gentleness and nothing as gentle as real strength.

Behold the turtle; he makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

Promising young people should go into politics so they can keep on promising for the rest of their lives.

Faults are like car headlights. Those of others seem more glaring than our own.

People who don't know whether they are coming or going are usually in the biggest hurry to get there.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

If the government ran it, crime wouldn't pay!

Live together like brothers and do business like strangers.

A small town is: A place where everyone knows whose check is good.

If the world is getting smaller, why do they keep raising the postal rates?

Shop on line, save fuel.

April 25th

After the ship has sunk everyone knows how she might have been saved.

To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of its own.

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hope than the first 4 hours of a diet.

If pleasures are the greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of trouble.

Experience is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald.

Not to decide is to decide not to.

If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense in making them.

A cowboy doesn't talk much; he saves his breath for breathing.

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April 23rd

Don't worry about swallowing your pride. It has no cholesterol.

Authority makes some people grow--others just swell.

You can say one thing for ignorance, it certainly causes a lot of interesting arguments.

They say you should never put off for tomorrow what can be done today. But some things are best postponed, especially an angry retort.

The surest way to mishandle a problem is to avoid facing up to it.

Its the same with narrow-minded people as it is with narrow-necked bottles. The less they have in them, the more noise they make in pouring it out.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Although he's regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics.

Its good to have money and the things that money cn buy, but it's wise to check once in a while to make sure you haven't lost the things money can't buy.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that. by Marin Luther King, Jr.

april 22nd

I love Robin Williams!

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says 'I love New York ' in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams ......Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and t he rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station our troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in.

If you don't like it in your country change it yourself and don't try to hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-1 1 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students ' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers.

If they don't attend classes,or they get a 'D' it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of their wells filling up their storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. ! Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH..learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' '

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

April 21st

Natural Highs

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4 No lines at the supermarket.

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail..

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry ).

12 A bubble bath.

13 Giggling.

14. A good conversation.

15. The beach.

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.

17. Laughing at yourself.

18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you

19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

20. Running through sprinklers.

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS

24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

26. Your first kiss (the very first).

27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

28. Playing with a new puppy.

29. Having someone play with your hair.

30. Sweet dreams.

31. Hot chocolate.

32. Road trips with friends.

33. Swinging on swings.

34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

35. Making chocolate chip cookies.

36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

37. Holding hands with someone you care about.

38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

40.. Watching the sunrise.

41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

42. Knowing that somebody misses you

43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

April 17th

Today is my Birthday, so heres so OLD facts that we don't always remember.

DID YOU KNOW?

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to

pick the little "stringy things" off of it. That's how the primates do it.Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.

If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

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Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil.

It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

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Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.

Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.

It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

-------------------------------------------------------

To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of

spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.

-----------------------------------------------------

For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints

in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

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Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste

of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply

chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them

in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350

for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm!

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Reheat Pizza

Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low

and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on

the cooking channel and it really works.

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Easy Deviled Eggs

Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

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Expanding Frosting

When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer

for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes

with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

---------------------------------------------------------

Reheating refrigerated bread

To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in

a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food

moist and help it reheat faster.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Newspaper weeds away

Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers,

put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and for-

get about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not

get through wet newspapers.

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Broken Glass

Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

------------------------------------------------------------------

No More Mosquitoes

Place a dryer sheet in your pocket.

It will keep the mosquitoes away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Squirrel Away!

To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper.

The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

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Flexible vacuum

To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel

roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in nar-

row openings.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reducing Static Cling

Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt

or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose.

Place pin in seam of slacks and ... ta da! ... static is gone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Measuring Cups

Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water.

Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such

as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Foggy Windshield?

Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of

your car .. When the window s fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Reopening envelope

If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside,

just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals

easily.

----------------------------------------------------

Conditioner

Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and

leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you

bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

------------------------------------------

Goodbye Fruit Flies

To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar

and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the

cup and gone forever!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Get Rid of Ants

Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," can't

digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works

and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

--------------------------------------------------------

INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS

The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the

house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the

dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the fil-

ter after every load clothes.) He told us that he wanted to show us something; he

took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it.. The lint filter is made of a

mesh material ... I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like.. Well ...

the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us

that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit.

You can't SEE the film, but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your

clothes soft and static free ... that nice fragrance too. You know how they can feel

waxy when you take them out of the box ... well this stuff builds up on your clothes

and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your

house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long

time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with

hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months.

He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long!

APRIL 14TH...

Baptist Cowboy

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The cowboy replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

'Oh, no, everybody's just fine, ' he explains, 'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'

'Hasn't affected my brothers though.

April 8th

There is no better test of people's character than their behavior when they are wrong.

Peace comes NOT from the absence of conflict in life but from the ability to cope with it.

The great dividing line between success and failure can be expressed in 5 words. "I did not have time."

If you have lived well, laughed often, and loved much, consider yourself a success.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

To err is human; to blame it on someone else is even more human.

Nothing arrives more slowly and passes more quickly than a vacation.

It is said that courtesy is contagious--so why not start an epidemic!

Did you know-------

Toilet paper was introduced by Joseph Gayetty in 1857, but did not sell well until after World War II. Then Scots came out with tissue that was softer and in rolls, which was much more successful in the marketplace.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

A small town is: Where the best civic lessons are taught with a lot of heart, community action and community spirit.

A bank is an organization willing to grant you a loan if you present sufficient evidence to show you don't need one.

April 7th

Things to ponder as we wander:

We could all save ourselves a lot of words if we'd only remember that people rarely take advice unless they have to pay for it.

No business can progress and grow without leadership. In the final analysis, leadership is the only real advantage one organization has over another in a competitive society.

Managers who attack results without analyzing causes, usually make matters worse rather than better.

We credit our successes to ourselves: Our failures to fate.

If you have something of importance to say, please start at the end.

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law....

Some liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Times are bad when a penny for your thoughts is considered a good deal.

April 6th